Friday, November 17, 2006


Christmas is only 39 days away. I know, that seems like alot -- but it's not.

I have always loved Christmas -- from the time I was little all the way into adulthood -- both for spiritual and sentimental reasons. I am so moved by the knowledge that God became flesh and took on all the vulnerability of man. I also really like all things Christmas, and the older (translate: the cheesier), the better.

Today I was showing some people at work a pair of new (old) Paramount electric candles I'd just gotten and one of the Pastors (the youngest one, by the way) walked by and said "cheesy". Yes, they're cheese, but they're great!!

I have boxes and boxes of old 30s, 40s & 50s decorations and always put up 2 trees, though I actually have 4. I usually start decorating on Thanksgiving weekend (it takes a few days) and used to even start my baking in October.

All that is leading up to this: I'm not looking forward to Christmas this year. For the first time I can ever remember, I barely feel like decorating, baking or even (gasp!) listening to a Christmas carol. I don't even care about hearing the King's College Choir "A Festival of Nine Lessons and Carols" -- and it's never Christmas season until I hear "Once in Royal David's City"!

This year, my extended family won't all be together at the holidays, even once, for the first time ever. Also, Charlie's moving to Florida a week before Christmas and we'll officially become empty-nesters. Danny's already told us he doubts that he'll come back home this summer. Jim is vague about his Christmas plans, but sounds like he might not be with us on Christmas Eve (a first) and that translates to probably not Christmas morning. It also sounds like he'll be leaving Michigan at about the time the Ohio family gets here. They're coming up, as usual, but in smaller numbers and only staying 2 days. We haven't had a "normal" Columbus family Christmas in a few years, either -- due to freak ice storms and family illness. I feel like this is a watershed year and the holidays (and life) will look different from now on.

Anyway, I'm not looking forward to any of it with enthusiasm. I'm hopeful that as the holidays get closer I will become more excited. I'll probably do all the things and bake the cookies and send the cards, but I have to admit, my heart's not in it. I'm cheerful, aren't I?

Thoughts, anyone? I'd love to hear them. . .


Sean Carter said...

The electric candles look quite nice.Seems you are pretty depressed but I,m sure something nice must be awaiting you and hope you have a nice weekend.

Anonymous said...

first of all, i LOVE the candles.

ugh, i'm not at all looking forward to christmas this year either. in fact, i didn't even want to decorate (nor did my mom). tom insisted that we go ahead with it, and even said that he'd help. yeah right. a big help he was. he did assemble the tree, but i was stuck (yes, STUCK) doing everything else. blah. i was so full of resentment and was so tired that i just wanted to chuck everything back in the box (in no order at all) and give up.

however, i stuck with it. i did scale back this year by only putting up my vintage ornaments on the tree instead of all of my family ornaments. i played old christmas standards as i went on my way and decided to be thankful that i even had a tree to put up at all.

no, it's not going to feel like christmas for me this year, since i won't be going home. however, i know that something better (tiny lily) is coming right around the corner, and that should be reason to rejoice in itself.

hang in there, auntie. i will be thinking of all of you this year, and wishing that i were with you.

i love you.

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